The Handshake: A Complete Guide to Proper, Confident and Graceful Handshakes

There is a moment before any real conversation begins. You extend your hand, they extend theirs. And in that split second, something is communicated – confidence, warmth, respect or sometimes…awkwardness.

I have been asked so many questions about handshakes. So let me answer the most common ones.

How do you do a proper handshake?

1.     Eye contact – look at the person, not past them.

2.     A fitting smile – warm, genuine and appropriate for the moment.

3.     The correct form – web to web, palm to palm, not crushing, not limp. 2-3 pumps, hold for 3-5 second. Then let go.

How firm should a handshake be?

Firm enough to feel present. Always adjust the firmness to the person. A lighter touch for some, a firmer grip for others. Sensitivity, not uniformity, is the mark of grace.

How to avoid awkward handshake?

Stand up. Clear the way. Face them directly. Offer your right hand. Aim for web to web, this naturally align your grip. Two to three gentle pumps - no more. Hold for 3-5 seconds or long enough to say both names. When you follow these steps, your handshake becomes smooth and automatic, and awkwardness disappears.

What if someone gives you a limp handshake?

A very limp handshake - sometimes called a ‘limp fish’ or ‘dead fish’ - can unintentionally signal hesitation or lack of confidence. However, do not judge too quickly. Do not squeeze harder. Do not pull away. Just offer your own steady, warm grip. They may be shy or from a culture where light handshakes are normal. It is not about you.

Do I shake a woman’s hand differently?

Not anymore. In business and most social settings today, men and women shake the same way. Offer your right hand with confidence and warmth. No need to wait. Do not adjust your pressure based on gender - adjust it based on the person.

Which hand to shake?

Always the right hand. In many cultures - including Arab, Indian and parts of Africa - the left hand is not appropriate for greeting.

How many pumps in handshake?

Two to three. Keep the movement centred in your elbow - not your shoulder.

The handshake is a small human moment. Be present, be kind.

Would you like to learn more? Our team is here to guide you through the complete etiquette class.